50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #4

It's the Thursday before convention and I'm still doing well. I feel pretty good about my food choices and have mostly been in control. Control really is the issue here. As far as the addiction goes, it doesn't matter if I'm eating carrots or candy--I can abuse either one. It's all about eating food for food, not as an escape, stress management tool, or way to numb my emotions. I think the reason this is so important for me is because life is unpredictable and if I don't re-train myself to cope with stress, boredom, sadness, loneliness, happiness, (you get the gist) in a non-food way, I'm just going to continue to relapse.

I'm not worried about making good choices at convention next week. It's a busy time, but there's always plenty of good food to choose from and I'll have lots of support. The other good thing is we're always moving-set up days are full of calorie burning steps and muscle toning movement.

Taking it one day at a time here, gang. That's the only way I can do this.

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #3

I have mixed feelings today. Yesterday I didn't have a stellar day. Calorically I was okay, but emotionally I wasn't. I could tell I was eating more for emotions than for food. It's kind of hard to explain-my behavior could have been exactly the same, but I knew I wasn't in control. I guess that's the bottom line. Sigh.

Last week I lost 1.5 pounds. On Thursday, I had lost an additional pound, but somehow found it again. I guess for sanity's sake from now on I'll only weigh on Sundays so I don't do the emotional roller coaster thing. I am happy for 1.5, it was just kind of hard to not get my hopes up that maybe I'd lose even more. I'm headed the right direction, though. With convention right around the corner, I could easily just eat away the stress. I'm going to keep at it and when I'm on the other side of convention I won't have to do damage control.

I'm really liking the online Weight Watchers tools. The only issue I have is my computer at home is a bit slow and the WW tools kind of tax it. Every once in a while, it just kind of gives up and goes to sleep on me.

I picked and ate my first tomatoes and a cucumber from my garden! Super yummy. I can't wait for August and September when they really pile on. No sign of the peppers yet.

This week makes me nervous. I have tons to do and not much time to do it. I have an all day meeting on Wednesday, so that leaves me with 4 work days to get convention stuff ready. If I factor in meetings and emergencies, I basically have 2 days. That should be enough, right?

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #2

Things are going well. I really like the Weight Watchers online tools so far-I've been able to plan my meals ahead of time and put them in the tracker, then print it so I know what's in store for the day. The only thing I curse is for some reason my printer defaults to this teeny tiny print that I can't read very well. Sigh!

It's a busy time at work, so I skipped my morning work out in order to get caught up. Ironic-I skipped Curves to get ahead of the curve at work. Ha ha, I crack myself up!

I don't feel hungry at all, but that's never been my problem. I don't eat food; I eat emotions. For now, I'm setting a timer after each meal so I don't nibble at all for at least two hours. Monday and Tuesday nights I had a hard time not eating after dinner-really wanted to nosh on something. Wednesday went much better.

No appointment for a food addiction therapist yet. That's a goal before the next blog.
Life in general is very good right now. I joined my dear friends Raylene, Karen and JoAnn for a birthday dinner for Karen last night. Porcupine grill. So yummy! I had fish tacos-grilled Wahoo (yep, it's a fish) with cabbage and a yummy spicy sauce. Later, my Bishopric (ecclesiastical leaders) came over to visit. It kind of made me laugh-has my perimenopause mania been brought to their attention? I don't know. It was just nice of them to take the time to come visit.

That's it for now!
Catch you later,

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #1

I'm back. As I wrote in the last paragraph of my March blog (yes, the last time I blogged), I can hold a diet together for two great weeks, then I just get tired of the hassle--and yes, it's a relief to just give up and eat what I want.

I should have come clean. I should have listened to your encouragement. I appreciate your attempts to get me back on the ball-thank you Julie Salva, Max and Sam the SAM. I just couldn't deal.

So, where have I been? Nowhere, everywhere.

In April I ended up with pneumonia. Got a shot, took some antibiotics, drank some cough syrup. By the middle of May, I felt recovered and joined my SU friends for the Australia/New Zealand Convention in Syndey. We left on Monday, arrived on Wednesday, and by Thursday my chest was tight and it hurt to breathe. I had no voice and had to whisper my presentations. Luckily the AU/NZ demos were totally understanding. Back home I needed another round of antibiotics combined with a solid week of no work. It's the beginning of July and I finally feel more energy. Don't want to do that again!

Also, it's my summer of 49. That's what my friend Kim called it two years ago when she was 49 and her hormones turned her into a person she didn't know. I feel like an alien has invaded my body, my heart, and my spirit. I want to laugh about it, but I can't. It's not just the hot flashes--it's my complete inability to feel like myself. How long will this last? Hopefully I can get some great meds that stabilize me a bit. I hate resorting to that, but something's gotta give here.

I finally feel like I've put some tools in place to help me in. First, I joined Weight Watchers online. I know tracking food is the only way for me to pay attention. Second, I'm going to get some help for my food addiction. Yup, I said it. Eating numbs me; removes me from my life. Sad, because I think I have a pretty good life--so what am I running from? Third, I've told my friends and family about my goal to lose 50 pounds by the time I'm 50-February 17, 2011, and finally, I'm going to commit to writing 50 blogs to document those 50 pounds. This is the first of those blogs. I plan to blog on Sundays and Thursdays. Should be fun!

Ups and Downs

Hey all! Delinquent in posting--I think I hoped to wait until I got control of my eating and had good news to post. Alas, it is not so. I think coming clean here will be a great step. I did well on the Flat Belly Diet detox days, but I didn't keep it up. I gained it and then some. I kind of just gave up for a few weeks. Tired of fighting the urge to snack. I quit writing in my food diary-a sure sign of losing the battle. Good news though-I'm back on track. I am so tired of aching all over and not being able to do the things I truly want to do!

In other news, during February I had a weekend sister party. We did some crafting-metal photo boards and fabric flowers. The flowers were a hoot because I cut up some old blouses and we weren't sure what type of fabric they were made of. Some of the flowers worked; some just scorched a little! Mostly we watched 2 year old Emma and read books. As always, it was fun and ended too soon. I do love my family! I'll post photos soon...

The rest of February was filled with birthday celebrating. I don't mind 49 when I have so many fabulous people to enjoy life with. I am truly blessed!

I also had a couple of days of the blues here and there. Not sure what that's about--sometimes I just kind of crash. Luckily it doesn't last long.

March has been a continuation of February. I can't believe today is the Ides of March. Nearly forgot to beware! I spent last weekend in Lafayette Louisiana for work. The demonstrators there are so amazing. I am truly inspired by them.

So, that's it. Now we're caught up. Now I can sleep without guilt.

Losing It!

Diet Update: I not only read the Flat Belly Diet book, I got myself going! I have no idea if this is my long term answer, but I needed to do something, and what I read didn't overwhelm me. Basically, you eat three 400 calorie meals a day and one 400 calorie snack. So that's 1600 calories-well above starving mode. A key to the success of this is that you have a MUFA with every meal or snack. Intrigued? A MUFA is a mono-unsaturated fatty acid like nuts & seeds, oils, avocadoes, olives and dark chocolate. The good fats that raise your HDL and lower your LDL. Obviously, you only use a little. To start, you do four days of 300 calorie meals and snacks. I finished my four days and they helped me pass my 10 pound goal-and move into a lower set of 10's on the scale. Love that!

Curves has gone really well also. I wasn't sure how much it would help because I'm kind of a weight-lifting snob (my friend Anita is responsible for that), but it is plenty challenging for my current fitness level.

Weekly Goal Update: Yay! I allowed myself to eat meals while watching television (I know that's seems weird, but it's no fun to eat alone), but no treats. If I wanted a Jello Mousse pudding (yum), I had to eat it in the kitchen.

Good Habit Goal Update: Found a great food journal-just right for me-and have been faithful.

So, here's my worry: Historically, I can hold it together and 'be good' for about 14 days, then I just get tired of all the effort. Shannon is calling her current diet a live-it, not a die-it. She's on to something.

I'm off to buy a new under $20 shirt. I promised myself one every time I lose 10 pounds. Can't wait!

Nearly Tears for Parker

Last night I went to a concert for my 8 year old friend, Parker. His teacher has ties to a deaf and blind school in Ghana and their class decided to raise money so the school could buy a computer. I almost didn't go, then pulled myself together at the last minute.

Good decision. It was fabulous to support Parker's cause. The third graders in his class did a great job. Parker sang and danced his heart out. And I learned a life lesson.

Here's the scoop: Miss Brynn, Parker's teacher, wrote a song for the class to sing. In the song, each third grader was spotlighted with a line stating the child's name and some quality the class admired. I'm not sure, but I'd guess the class was asked to help identify those qualities. So, the song went something like this, "Friends, friends, everywhere a friend. Ana is nice and sweet, Carlos has a story to tell, Shauna knows the words to songs, Christian is a basketball star. Friends, friends...." You get the picture. Each time a name was sung, the third grader waved or stepped forward to claim his quality. It was sweet to watch them be uncomfortable and proud as their families saw them in the spotlight. As the song went on, I noticed Parker's smile became a squint of confusion, then a frown of frustration as the song concluded. His mom whispered to me, "They skipped the line about him."

Oh my dear, sweet boy! To watch his face as they moved on to another song--he valiantly fought off a melt down. Red faced and teary eyed, he pretended to do the sign language for the next song. Eventually, he pulled it together and just moved on. By the end of the concert, he was all smiles and boy-ready for a cookie and a hug.

After about five minutes of visiting and refreshment-ing, Miss Brynn went to the front and said, "Third graders, I just found out we skipped a line in our song. All third graders need to come to the front so we can sing it again." Without hesitation, the class launched into the song again. This time I smiled then cried when they sang, "Parker is a computer whiz," and my buddy proudly acknowledged the compliment.

Parker knew his teacher loved him. He knew his class thought he was a whiz on the computer. He cried because he wanted us to see what they thought of him.

We all deserve to be recognized and spotlighted-no matter how old we are. Let's make that happen for the people around us. Deal?