#18

I am feeling so strong and focused! I'm not saying things are all perfect-as a matter of fact I've had two evenings in a row of overeating. Still, I can do this. One day at a time. One meal at a time. One bite at a time.

I met with Kaleo, my eating addiction recovery therapist, on Tuesday. She challenged me to stop eating at specific times and to eat only when I'm hungry (she compared eating at scheduled times to forcing yourself to go to the bathroom at scheduled times-ridiculous! You go to the bathroom when you need to go to the bathroom...). It's tough! I keep worrying that I'm not going to get hungry. I always eat breakfast at 6:45, have a 10:00 snack, eat lunch at noon, a 3:00 snack, then dinner at 6:30. Now I don't eat 'breakfast' until I'm hungry-the past two days that has been 11:45 a.m., so of course, I'm not hungry at noon. I have regular eating meetings for lunch, so the last two days I just go and drink something and taste a bit of lunch. Kaleo says I can taste without eating. Interesting, huh? I think by the time I get home for dinner I'm convinced I'm starving--although I'm really not. I will really have to focus on what's happening at night. Am I bored? Lonely? Do I feel like I 'deserve' a nice meal since I've worked hard and have been good all day? Points wise, I eat my full Weight Watchers points each day-over half of them at night. I don't like that much. So, still a work in progress!

The other thing Kaleo told me to do is praise myself for good choices. So last night when I wanted to eat a third gluten free brownie from the freezer and put it back, I said, "Good job Bonnie!" It felt silly, but it also felt kind of good.

I MUST work out at Curves today and Saturday. Cathi can't go with me for a month, so I'm on my own. Please send me will power and happy thoughts, okay? It felt so good on Tuesday to get a work out in. I know how much better I operate when I've released some energy at the gym. Okay, I've convinced myself. I'm out of here and on my way to Curves.