Friday, August 28, 2009

Freak Out!

It's Friday night at around 8:30 and I'm typing this as I listen to a variety of 80's disco songs loaded on my i-pod by my music savvy friend Anita. It's rather ironic because I am indeed freaking out right now. I have fought against it since Monday at about 1:17 p.m. when I met with a specialist following several months of feeling run down and fighting off one sinus infection, fever, or sore throat after another. I ended up going to an InstaCare the Monday of convention. My blood work showed I was anemic, so I began taking mega doses of iron and went to my regular doc for a follow up. He did blood work and told me he thought I was having a reaction to the drug I was on for the silly (in my opinion, I know it's serious to those who truly suffer from it) Restless Leg Syndrome. He told me to slowly take myself off the drug and come in for a repeat blood test the following week. He also put me on a strong antibiotic (my third in 24 days). The repeat blood test was still off, but showed I actually had too much iron in my system-so I went off the iron and was scheduled to meet with a hematologist to talk about what was going on. Here's where the first freak began: "Utah Cancer Specialists; How can I help you?" What? I thought I had the wrong number. Deep breath.

Thus began the beginning of my long waits. One week to meet with the specialist. Three hours for the appointment. Another blood test just to make sure things were still off. Talking to the doc, okay, listening to him explain the reasons for anemia and telling me the story my blood is telling him indicates a blood marrow disorder. Well, doesn't that sound nice! Knowing I would Google it anyway, he spoke frankly about things like leukemia, lymphoma...and my mind kind of closed up. It was reassuring to hear him lay it all out and explain we should begin by doing a bone marrow biopsy to start with, it may be he's wrong and this is some other issue with my colon, kidneys, or liver, but we might as well know what we're dealing with, I should be able to get a biopsy done this week and have results within two days. Okay. It's Monday, so if I have the test tomorrow I'll know by Friday. I can handle that. What? Nursing shortage, will call later with a biopsy time, nice person on phone telling me the biopsy will be Tuesday, Sept 1 (Sept 1? Isn't it still Aug 5? What the heck!) and since the test is in the afternoon, the results won't be guaranteed until Friday Sept 4 and the doc doesn't work Fridays oh and Monday is a holiday so could I come back for the results on Tuesday, Sept 8th? I heard myself say sure. Call my team, call my sisters, call my friends...

Put on a happy face. All will be well. Work is a blessing. Loving family, great friends. Prayers, love, concern, phone calls. When will it be normal again? Speaking of normal, what about this itching? I feel tired. Is that from lack of sleep (the voices of darkness seek me out each night), from the anxiety of not knowing, or from something more sinister?

So tonight I'm being obedient to the i-pod.

Ahh, Freak Out.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, my Bonnie . . . I wish I could give you a giant hug right now. (Or lend you my finger to hold onto for support. ;) ) I didn't realize all that's been going on, but I would be freaking out, too. I'm sure I can't completely understand how it feels to wait and be unsure and wait some more . . . but I love you, and you're in my prayers, and I will do some freaking out with you. From over here in Cali. :) I miss you!