Thursday, June 30, 2011


...can cause all sorts of issues. With the biggest Stampin' Up! event of the year less than two weeks away, I'm swimming in it (stress. Swimming in water sounds fun!). I love Convention. I love preparing for Convention. I don't love unexpected dental issues, unplanned for work meetings, unrelenting dental issues, expensive sprinkler repairs involving digging a hole in my driveway and nursing a stress fracture in my left foot while preparing for Convention.

Stress invites me to eat. It demands that I eat. It dangles food in front of me like a tennis ball being tossed to a Golden Retriever. Must I fight nature all the time?

So, deep breath. I have a facial scheduled on Saturday. Heaven!

Monday is the 4th of July and I think I'm ready enough for Convention that I don't have to fuss over my classes that day--I can enjoy the neighborhood parade and city fireworks with my friends. Nice.

Stress helps me appreciate being busy, having loving friends, and taking some precious time to relax--even for ten minutes.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

What I learned

I had the most interesting week. Saturday and Sunday were the most difficult no TV days--and probably the most rewarding. I returned to work feeling more rested than usual, which is a good thing because it was a busy and intense week. I really didn't struggle without the television too much except during dinner as I mentioned in my last post.

So, my week was over this morning and I accomplished my goal. I woke up early and watched some of my DVR shows during breakfast, then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I didn't have any trouble at all turning off the tellie and getting to some chores. Feelin' pretty proud of myself right now.

I didn't lose any weight. I guess I thought no TV would automatically turn into weight loss. Silly me.

Here's what I learned. I am lonely. In a meaningful relationship sort of way. I'm sure that's not surprising to anyone but me. I've gotten so good at being on auto pilot it's become easy to ignore the ever present lack of emotional and physical love in my life. The lack of being someone's someone. I quit looking, quit putting myself  "out there." I think even my family has quit wondering when I'm going to find someone. I just don't talk about it much with anyone. All those who love me care about my singleness and would be thrilled if I found the love of my life, but I think they're sensitive to the situation. You know, the proverbial 'elephant in the living room.'

It's raw and pain-filled. Perhaps I'll revisit the topic soon, but this is enough for now.

Don't worry, I am happy still. I'm just not blissfully ignorant any more.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Dinner and a ...?

I ate dinner looking at the street outside my picture window.

I eat watching TV, so no TV has caused a problem. Breakfast and lunch are no biggie, but dinner was a challenge. I actually sat in front of the TV and thought maybe I'd just watch while I ate. Well, I had 'hidden' the remote so I couldn't just turn on the television mindlessly. Dang it! So, I sat in front of my window and watched my neighbors come and go while I ate my chicken breast and salad.

I'm feeling pretty darn amazing tonight!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Week of Wonder--No TV!

That's right, I'm going the week sans my brain candy. Sans my boredom buster. Sans my emotion number (hmm, I mean the thing that numbs my emotions--how else would one spell that?).

What am I thinking?

The current self help book I'm studying, Life is Hard, Food is Easy, challenged me to make a list of my needs. I don't know what I need. I think that's one of my problems. I don't seem to know myself anymore. What do I need? What do I love? What makes me happy, sad, angry? I'm kind of afraid to examine what I need because then I'll have to face not having it...isn't that odd?

I'm preparing to speak to some teen age girls at a church camp retreat. The topic is journals--specifically journaling our spiritual experiences. I've been an avid journaler since high school so I've been poring over the hopes, dreams and frustrations I've written about through the years. Right now I don't know what hopes, dreams and frustrations I have.

Not good.

No television will force me to talk to myself. Beware-I may be blogging quite a bit during the week!

Wish me luck or, better yet, join me!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

What? Last Post in April? OMG!

I am soooo embarrassed that I haven't posted in over a month--closer to two months! No excuse except I feel quite boring. Same weight, same struggles, same journey.

Here's a quick re-cap of the last two months: Throw a colonoscopy, some stamping, scrapbooking, two church lessons and various friends' birthdays in with a week in Australia for convention and another week with a massive head cold and you're totally caught up! Exciting stuff, eh?

I've also been examined by all the medical professionals who insist on seeing me each year. My general practitioner, gynecologist, eye doctor, dentist, and gastroenterologist. I have my breast exam scheduled for August. So, all my body parts have been certified as healthy and functioning appropriately.

During those exams, one practitioner suggested I look into weight loss surgery. I have never considered it before. I got rather excited about it and discussed it with Kaleo, who is very supportive of it, and with my besties Anita and Cathi, whose opinions mean a great deal to me. Everyone is on board. Since then, I have completely forgotten to think about it. Weird, huh? Does that mean I'm not ready or I'm not convinced? I don't know. Maybe now just isn't the right time, but the very fact that I haven't done any more research or questioning tells me something. I just need to find out what the something is!