Saturday, June 18, 2011

What I learned

I had the most interesting week. Saturday and Sunday were the most difficult no TV days--and probably the most rewarding. I returned to work feeling more rested than usual, which is a good thing because it was a busy and intense week. I really didn't struggle without the television too much except during dinner as I mentioned in my last post.

So, my week was over this morning and I accomplished my goal. I woke up early and watched some of my DVR shows during breakfast, then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I didn't have any trouble at all turning off the tellie and getting to some chores. Feelin' pretty proud of myself right now.

I didn't lose any weight. I guess I thought no TV would automatically turn into weight loss. Silly me.

Here's what I learned. I am lonely. In a meaningful relationship sort of way. I'm sure that's not surprising to anyone but me. I've gotten so good at being on auto pilot it's become easy to ignore the ever present lack of emotional and physical love in my life. The lack of being someone's someone. I quit looking, quit putting myself  "out there." I think even my family has quit wondering when I'm going to find someone. I just don't talk about it much with anyone. All those who love me care about my singleness and would be thrilled if I found the love of my life, but I think they're sensitive to the situation. You know, the proverbial 'elephant in the living room.'

It's raw and pain-filled. Perhaps I'll revisit the topic soon, but this is enough for now.

Don't worry, I am happy still. I'm just not blissfully ignorant any more.


  1. Hi, I'm thinking of you.....My Grandmother used to tell me that you can be alone with tons of people around and I've decovered she is right. I pray you find the special someone. Hugs to you!!


  2. I haven't quit wondering, if that is alright to say:) I just hope you will do what makes you most happy... and if putting yourself out there again is what it will take I support that! If you need any help with that stuff call anytime:) We love you no matter what Bonnie!! Hope this week is a good one for you.