Thursday, July 29, 2010

50 in 50 #8

It's been a tough week. It's hard to go back to work after an event like convention. I call it 'convention hangover.' No matter how much time I take off to recuperate, actually going back I'm in a mental fog. So much to process, then time to switch gears.

Tuesday night I grazed. I carefully planned my food for the day, including dinner with Cathi at The Dodo, a local restaurant that has been around for years. We each had a cup of gazpacho, then split the fillet Mignon dinner. I had budgeted calories (4 oz of fillet is a ton of points!) and we really felt satisfied. Cathi stayed to do some projects for her church youth group, then went home. Well, you'd have thought I'd gone for hours without eating. I began with a garden tomato with some cottage cheese, then moved to popcorn with some butter spray. Not too bad, but I wasn't eating food. I don't know what I was eating! When I went to bed, I alternately munched cheese and sour cream potato chips and semi-sweet chocolate chips. What the heck!

Wednesday and Thursday have gone better. Still munchy at night, but able to stay in my points range.

So, my biggest victory is I have an appointment with a therapist to talk about my food addiction. The nice gal who arranged the appointment was very helpful and says the therapist has extensive experience and success in helping people overcome this addiction. I'm ready! The appointment isn't until August 17, but that's okay.

I had a breakthrough at work when I realized my approach to a problem is to solve it, not spend time to define and understand it. That works in some cases, but not all. Last summer I tried a new diet every 21 days--I threw one solution after another at my addiction. Not surprisingly, it didn't work. At the time I hadn't admitted it was an addiction. I know that's huge. I'm now ready to see which of my random life experiences has contributed to this situation. Fun times ahead!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

50 in 50 #7

I lost 3 pounds-what a week! I really tried to keep an eye on my food choices, but I think I would have been cooked without all the physical aspects of convention-lots of walking, hugging and smiling (and a dance with feathers thrown in for good measure). I'm not sure how many calories are burned by hugging and smiling, but I'm know they helped with the weight loss. Now I have to transition to post convention living. No room for relaxing my vigilance!

Convention was so much fun. I really love seeing old friends and making new ones. I'm proud to be a Stampin' Up demonstrator and part of such an energetic sorority of sisters. My team did a great job and I'm so happy for them to feel their work paid off. The classes, presentations, Make & Takes and Paper, Pad & Marker were off the hook (that's good-I always have to tell Jill that).

My sisters and Tamsin, Katie and Emma came to see me and Jill do our presentation. I didn't get to talk with them too long, but it was great to have them there. I love my family. I guess next time I'll have to talk about Alan (my brother), so he doesn't feel left out!

Well, I'm fading fast so I'm going to wrap it up now. Today (Sunday) I kind of grazed all day. I didn't record my points until tonight and discovered I've eaten my weekly extra points already! I'm glad I know and can face the truth. I know I can still have a successful week. Tomorrow I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor about eating addictions.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

50 in 50 #6

I can't believe it's Thursday already! I'm in my hotel room at the Monaco in downtown Salt Lake. In 5 hours (yes folks it's 5 a.m!) I will be presenting with my friend Jill Kocherhans. I hope it goes well. I need to just relax, have fun, and make it a memorable experience for the demonstrators.

Monday went well-lots of walking and lots of time with my team getting the Make & Take and Paper, Pad & Marker rooms ready. Lots of calls to the SU office to tie up some loose ends. I enjoy my team so much! They each bring a different strength and personality to the group.

Tuesday I really struggled. I ate a Clif bar for breakfast and by noon I was starving. I ate 22 points worth of food for lunch! Fast forward to later on the same day (isn't this riveting?) when I got to my hotel room at 5 feeling hot and tired. I had quite a bit of work to do, so I passed on going to dinner with the gang. I had planned to order room service but I just couldn't rationalize $22 for a side salad. I'm exaggerating, but you know how it is; the price is $12 plus tax plus 20% gratuity plus $2.50 service fee (soooo, what's the tip for?). Anyway, I walked (no small feat) over to Lamb's Grill. It's been around for years, a downtown tradition. Sadly, my meal just didn't cut it. I had a small chicken breast and some mashed potatoes.

Here's the problem: Before I went to get dinner, I logged my points so far and opened the small bag of trail mix I grabbed at the convention center. I swear I was possessed or something--I couldn't stop munching at it. Nuts, craisins, M&M's--kind of healthy, right? It was 11 points! And the gory details don't stop-I also ate a 5 point Salted Nut Roll.

I pulled it together on yesterday. Kept to the plan. I had such a great time watching the rehearsals for all the classes and visiting with demonstrators! The party last night was a blast! I feel super groovy, man!

The bad news is I've eaten all my extra points for the week. The good news is I've earned extra activity points each day because of the dashing about.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #5: 5 Pound Milestone

Sunday sure rolled around fast! I went in the WW points hole by 4.5 points , but the week was a victory overall. I lost 3.5 pounds! I've reached my first 5 pound milestone. Nine more milestones to go before February. I am pumped to see some results.

Deep, Dark Confession: Crazy as it may seem, deep down I kind of believe I can't lose weight-you know, like I have some disease or something. Trust me, my thyroid's been tested so often it could teach classes on overcoming test anxiety! There's nothing physically stopping me from losing weight-other than the calorie to exercise ratio that is so out of whack in my life. Curves three times a week is a start. I'm so grateful to Cathi for being such an amazing workout buddy. Knowing she's planning to see me on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday gets me up and going.

Emotionally, I feel good. Even great. Being in control of one thing helps me be in control of others. Know what I mean? I'm worried my I-can-do-anything mood is based on pre-convention adrenalin and might be easily blown away by stress. I'm also worried that post-convention fatigue and let down (like after Christmas--What, it's over already?) combined with the fourth week mark on my weight loss sojourn could be challenging.

I am going into this Stampin' Up! convention week armed for battle. I really believe and fervently hope I will keep my eye on the prize, not on the goodies. If you're the praying sort, send one up for me! Thanks for your comments-I don't really know what the protocol is for acknowledging the comments, but I really, really appreciate your love and cheerleaderliness (hee hee, the spell-checker went crazy on that word!).

Thursday, July 15, 2010

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #4

It's the Thursday before convention and I'm still doing well. I feel pretty good about my food choices and have mostly been in control. Control really is the issue here. As far as the addiction goes, it doesn't matter if I'm eating carrots or candy--I can abuse either one. It's all about eating food for food, not as an escape, stress management tool, or way to numb my emotions. I think the reason this is so important for me is because life is unpredictable and if I don't re-train myself to cope with stress, boredom, sadness, loneliness, happiness, (you get the gist) in a non-food way, I'm just going to continue to relapse.

I'm not worried about making good choices at convention next week. It's a busy time, but there's always plenty of good food to choose from and I'll have lots of support. The other good thing is we're always moving-set up days are full of calorie burning steps and muscle toning movement.

Taking it one day at a time here, gang. That's the only way I can do this.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #3

I have mixed feelings today. Yesterday I didn't have a stellar day. Calorically I was okay, but emotionally I wasn't. I could tell I was eating more for emotions than for food. It's kind of hard to explain-my behavior could have been exactly the same, but I knew I wasn't in control. I guess that's the bottom line. Sigh.

Last week I lost 1.5 pounds. On Thursday, I had lost an additional pound, but somehow found it again. I guess for sanity's sake from now on I'll only weigh on Sundays so I don't do the emotional roller coaster thing. I am happy for 1.5, it was just kind of hard to not get my hopes up that maybe I'd lose even more. I'm headed the right direction, though. With convention right around the corner, I could easily just eat away the stress. I'm going to keep at it and when I'm on the other side of convention I won't have to do damage control.

I'm really liking the online Weight Watchers tools. The only issue I have is my computer at home is a bit slow and the WW tools kind of tax it. Every once in a while, it just kind of gives up and goes to sleep on me.

I picked and ate my first tomatoes and a cucumber from my garden! Super yummy. I can't wait for August and September when they really pile on. No sign of the peppers yet.

This week makes me nervous. I have tons to do and not much time to do it. I have an all day meeting on Wednesday, so that leaves me with 4 work days to get convention stuff ready. If I factor in meetings and emergencies, I basically have 2 days. That should be enough, right?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #2

Things are going well. I really like the Weight Watchers online tools so far-I've been able to plan my meals ahead of time and put them in the tracker, then print it so I know what's in store for the day. The only thing I curse is for some reason my printer defaults to this teeny tiny print that I can't read very well. Sigh!

It's a busy time at work, so I skipped my morning work out in order to get caught up. Ironic-I skipped Curves to get ahead of the curve at work. Ha ha, I crack myself up!

I don't feel hungry at all, but that's never been my problem. I don't eat food; I eat emotions. For now, I'm setting a timer after each meal so I don't nibble at all for at least two hours. Monday and Tuesday nights I had a hard time not eating after dinner-really wanted to nosh on something. Wednesday went much better.

No appointment for a food addiction therapist yet. That's a goal before the next blog.
Life in general is very good right now. I joined my dear friends Raylene, Karen and JoAnn for a birthday dinner for Karen last night. Porcupine grill. So yummy! I had fish tacos-grilled Wahoo (yep, it's a fish) with cabbage and a yummy spicy sauce. Later, my Bishopric (ecclesiastical leaders) came over to visit. It kind of made me laugh-has my perimenopause mania been brought to their attention? I don't know. It was just nice of them to take the time to come visit.

That's it for now!
Catch you later,

Monday, July 5, 2010

50 Pounds in 50 Blogs #1

I'm back. As I wrote in the last paragraph of my March blog (yes, the last time I blogged), I can hold a diet together for two great weeks, then I just get tired of the hassle--and yes, it's a relief to just give up and eat what I want.

I should have come clean. I should have listened to your encouragement. I appreciate your attempts to get me back on the ball-thank you Julie Salva, Max and Sam the SAM. I just couldn't deal.

So, where have I been? Nowhere, everywhere.

In April I ended up with pneumonia. Got a shot, took some antibiotics, drank some cough syrup. By the middle of May, I felt recovered and joined my SU friends for the Australia/New Zealand Convention in Syndey. We left on Monday, arrived on Wednesday, and by Thursday my chest was tight and it hurt to breathe. I had no voice and had to whisper my presentations. Luckily the AU/NZ demos were totally understanding. Back home I needed another round of antibiotics combined with a solid week of no work. It's the beginning of July and I finally feel more energy. Don't want to do that again!

Also, it's my summer of 49. That's what my friend Kim called it two years ago when she was 49 and her hormones turned her into a person she didn't know. I feel like an alien has invaded my body, my heart, and my spirit. I want to laugh about it, but I can't. It's not just the hot flashes--it's my complete inability to feel like myself. How long will this last? Hopefully I can get some great meds that stabilize me a bit. I hate resorting to that, but something's gotta give here.

I finally feel like I've put some tools in place to help me in. First, I joined Weight Watchers online. I know tracking food is the only way for me to pay attention. Second, I'm going to get some help for my food addiction. Yup, I said it. Eating numbs me; removes me from my life. Sad, because I think I have a pretty good life--so what am I running from? Third, I've told my friends and family about my goal to lose 50 pounds by the time I'm 50-February 17, 2011, and finally, I'm going to commit to writing 50 blogs to document those 50 pounds. This is the first of those blogs. I plan to blog on Sundays and Thursdays. Should be fun!