Friday, October 26, 2012

254.8: One Direction--not sweet music

One direction. That seems to describe my daily scale results. Up. The scale is reflecting my eating behavior. I am nibbling my way up. I can fight this, I really can! I like the feeling of an empty, growly tummy. I like not feeling sick all the time. The Medifast meals don't get my gallbladder going--it's all the other stuff I've been stuffing myself with.

I deserve better. The chapter in Life is Hard, Food is Easy that I'm working on is all about identifying needs. Not an easy chapter. It's hard to sit down and write "I need this" because 1) I feel ungrateful  and 2) seeing what I need makes me feel sad. I don't like to feel sad, so I eat.

One thing I need is to put an end to self sabatoge with my diet. So this morning I 'purged' my kitchen before leaving for work.

Bread? In the freezer for my sister to eat when she comes to tend me after the gallbladder surgery. Peanut butter? On the table to be given to my neighbor for her 2 year old.
Butterscotch and chocolate chips? In the freezer because I can't bear to throw them out!
Potato cheese soup? Ready to take to my other neighbor tonight.
Mozarella and sharp cheese? In the freezer for limited use in Lean and Green recipes.

I need honesty. I tracked my food and weight on Medifast's system for the first time since September 25.

I need (and have) support from my family and friends. Good news: my dieting focus is paying off for my sisters and brother. Loene (my sister who was supposed to be born on Halloween and would have been Hal if she were a boy-true story) called last night. Since the sister party in August, she has lost 35 pounds. My other sister lost 10 (that's all she had to lose). Now our brother, Alan, has lost 5 pounds. I'm so excited for them! I also have amazing friends who applaud my efforts, so I'm covered in this area.

I'm going to write again tonight--evenings seem to be a stumbling block for me right now.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

252.2: Feeding the Pain?

I have a gall stone. The gall! It's the size of a marble--the big ones that were the envy of all the boys in my elementary school. Are marbles even around anymore? Hmm.

Yup! They are. Interesting.

Anyway, mine's the big one. The doc says I've been cooking it for 15 years. Niiiice.

It lodges in an odd place and blocks off my liver sometimes (that's my interpretation of what the doc said) and it hurts. A lot. A lot a lot. I've missed work in the past three weeks and feel like every time I eat it's Russian Roulette. I know I'll be sick, but a lot sick or a little sick? Ahh, the joy. Turns out they're gonna remove the gallbladder and stone and relieve me of this little food game.

The surgery is laparoscopic and is scheduled for Tuesday, November 6. I should be back at work by the next Monday if all goes as planned.

Meanwhile, I've gained weight. To be fair, I'm in my usual 'bounce' of 3-4 pounds up and down so it's more accurate to say I'm not eating well. I'm so far off Medifast that I'll need a Sherpa to guide me back! Why? The Medifast food isn't making me sick, so that's not it. Nope. I've reverted to some old behaviors of using food as a reward or comfort. I'm sick, so I deserve a treat. The truly insane thing is the treats I eat make me sick. Don't judge--didn't I admit to a bit of insanity?

This morning I woke up at 4 AM feeling quite unwell. I couldn't sleep, so I dug out one of my bibliotherapy books--Life is Hard, Food is Easy (Linda Spangle) and worked on a few chapters. I am so pleased with myself! Instead of using the next two weeks to dig myself into a habit hole (not to mention pull the roulette trigger), I'm going to do some self work.

I love having a plan!

Today's assignment: "At my best, here's how I am..."

At my best, here's how I am:
  • Loving, confident and approachable
  • Fun-filled, intelligent and friendly
  • Capable, reliable and trustworthy
  • Generous with my time
  • A good boss and employee
  • Insightful, thoughtful and sensitive 

Friday, October 12, 2012

249: Holding Strong

Hi! It's been a week with all sorts of tempting diet busters. Some I've ignored, others I've succumbed to. A homemade chocolate eclair. A bag of miniature Baby Ruth bars. Sweet potato fries. A red velvet cupcake--full of gluten. Wow, looks like I succumbed more than I ignore

Still, I'm holding strong. I'm giving my brain a chance to catch up to my body. No science to back this up, but if my brain and body want to chill between 247-249 right now, I'm okay with that. It wasn't too many months ago when that chill factor was 282-286, then it became 272-275. That's progress! I won't lie--this is hard. I'm not hungry, ever. I do get cravey. I'm back to reading my food addiction books and have found help and comfort there.

Looks like my gall bladder needs to come out. I had an ultrasound on Wednesday and the doctor's office called on Thursday. I meet with the surgeon on Halloween and if I have an attack before then, I'm supposed to go the an ER. My gall bladder isn't diseased, but I guess once you begin to have issues with it, it's best to just get the thing out. Hmm.

If you were hoping to read a non-stop thrill ride of rapid weight loss and life lessons, this post is lacking in both. (Smiley face.) If you wanted to check in on me, you got it!

Monday, October 8, 2012

248.6: The Good Side of Sick

Last Tuesday after lunch I got such a stomach ache (I want to write that stom-ache to be efficient) that I had to leave work early because I was so miserable--I thought it may be the flu, but the problem was pain, not flu-ey. I stayed home Wednesday, went to work on Thursday, and ended up leaving right after lunch due to what I eloquently called a pain in my gut. A bend-over and can't breathe pain. Between Dr. Google, my sisters and friends we've diagnosed it as gallbladder related. I'm going to the doc tomorrow for a second opinion... I have had to be very careful about what I eat so as to not wake the sleeping beast. At least I'm losing weight! The Medifast meals don't create any issues, so I've stuck pretty close to them with little else in addition.

I did make some yummy soup yesterday while I was watching LDS general conference. It was yummy and filling--and didn't make me sick. Yay! Here's the recipe:

1 can black beans
1 can corn, undrained
1 can Rotel, undrained
1 package ranch dressing mix
1 tsp cumin
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp onion powder
1 8 oz package light cream cheese
2 chicken breasts

Drain and rinse black beans. Place chicken at bottom of pot, then pour out whole can of corn (undrained), rotel, and black beans. Top with seasonings and ranch mix. Stir together. Place cream cheese on top. Cover with lid and cook on low for 6-8 hours. Stir cream cheese into chili. Use 2 forks to shred chicken. Stir together and serve.

It's from and I pinned it then immediately made it. My crockpot is out of commission, so I made it on the stove top and it worked super well.