252.2: Feeding the Pain?

I have a gall stone. The gall! It's the size of a marble--the big ones that were the envy of all the boys in my elementary school. Are marbles even around anymore? Hmm.

Yup! They are. Interesting.

Anyway, mine's the big one. The doc says I've been cooking it for 15 years. Niiiice.

It lodges in an odd place and blocks off my liver sometimes (that's my interpretation of what the doc said) and it hurts. A lot. A lot a lot. I've missed work in the past three weeks and feel like every time I eat it's Russian Roulette. I know I'll be sick, but a lot sick or a little sick? Ahh, the joy. Turns out they're gonna remove the gallbladder and stone and relieve me of this little food game.

The surgery is laparoscopic and is scheduled for Tuesday, November 6. I should be back at work by the next Monday if all goes as planned.

Meanwhile, I've gained weight. To be fair, I'm in my usual 'bounce' of 3-4 pounds up and down so it's more accurate to say I'm not eating well. I'm so far off Medifast that I'll need a Sherpa to guide me back! Why? The Medifast food isn't making me sick, so that's not it. Nope. I've reverted to some old behaviors of using food as a reward or comfort. I'm sick, so I deserve a treat. The truly insane thing is the treats I eat make me sick. Don't judge--didn't I admit to a bit of insanity?

This morning I woke up at 4 AM feeling quite unwell. I couldn't sleep, so I dug out one of my bibliotherapy books--Life is Hard, Food is Easy (Linda Spangle) and worked on a few chapters. I am so pleased with myself! Instead of using the next two weeks to dig myself into a habit hole (not to mention pull the roulette trigger), I'm going to do some self work.

I love having a plan!

Today's assignment: "At my best, here's how I am..."

At my best, here's how I am:

• Loving, confident and approachable
• Fun-filled, intelligent and friendly
• Capable, reliable and trustworthy
• Generous with my time
• A good boss and employee
• Insightful, thoughtful and sensitive