Sunday, September 12, 2010

#21: NOT a 20 Pound Milestone.

I gained weight-3 pounds- and insight this week. This is the first week I've gained since I began on July 5. Did I think I would decide to lose weight and not have any set backs or challenges? No. I realize this is an opportunity to learn and move forward, but I'm still upset and disappointed in myself.

What happened? I can trace the gain to three things. First of all, I didn't track my points very well this week. It was a busy and stressful week and I fell into the trap of skipping that very important step. Second, I only worked out one day. Cathi is out of Curves until the beginning of November and I began the week feeling a little under the weather, so I just flat out skipped my workouts. Third, I ate beyond full at several meals. Waiting to eat until I'm hungry hasn't been that hard (I'm surprised at this, but I actually like knowing I'm hungry so it's worth waiting for that feeling). What has been difficult is once I begin eating I have a hard time eating only 'til I'm comfortably full. To be candid, I don't even notice the change from hungry to full. Here's an example: Last Thursday I ate lunch with my friend Cori. We had some business things to discuss and I was feeling a bit stressed. I ordered the same meal I ate half of the week before (stopping at half a burger and only 6 fries-yes, I counted), but this week I ate all the burger and most of the fries. Back at the office, I actually became ill with a soon-to-be migraine and had to go home early. I know it was a combination of the stress and overeating that caused the migraine, but at the time of the meal, I didn't really feel too full. Instead of learning from this experience, I repeated overeating at least twice more on Friday and Saturday.

This is hard to admit, but I also intentionally ate gluten this weekend. I was at a creative conference in the area and gave in to my eating addiction. I ate some of a molasses cookie, an entire eclair, some peanut butter filled pretzels, a roll, a bread stick, some breaded chicken, a croissant sandwich, a ham sandwich, and some of a sugar cookie. I didn't get sick really, but I know I will feel achy and tired for a week now. I'm also much more susceptible to colds and such-I've compromised my autoimmune system.

On a bright note, I did work out on Saturday morning. I also committed to getting in 21 workouts prior to Cathi's return with me in November. I told the Curves owner about it, and she's the kind who will keep me honest about it. I am also going to record my workouts on this blog, so maybe y'all can keep me on it too!

Another victory: I was tempted to severely restrict my food yesterday in a desperate attempt to at least not gain weight this week (yes, I weighed myself and knew I was in for a gain), but that wasn't a smart choice physically or emotionally. Instead, I tried to pay attention to why and what I was eating. I still overate, but I felt more in control. Is that as weird as it sounds?

So, thanks for tuning in for this episode of The Scale of Truth. I hope my mid-week post is more joyous.


  1. Bonnie I have been reading your blog since you told me about it at Neil's Birthday party. I also am trying to drop the pounds and you are inspiring me every step of the way with your honesty! Thank you for sharing such personal things with all of us. And keep up the good work. I am also reading some of the same books as you. Stay strong. You have cheerleaders that you don't even know about!

    Becky (Mary's Sister)

  2. Hang in there can do it! I can't wait to see you in just a few short days and give you a big hug. In the meantime, a cyber hug will have to do!

  3. My dear friend, I have been struggling with the same thing! I can tell when I'm hungry, but have the hardest time stopping when I'm full!! GRRR!! If you figure it out, let me know! :) You are doing so awesome, even with the gain. Think about it, you gained, and you are still going!! That is big and deserves to be acknowledged! :)

  4. Keep at it, my friend! I gained this week, too. I didn't track my points or exercise. But, I have recommitted myself to doing great this week! I know you can do it, too! I'll make sure to ask you about your workouts this week, if it will help you. :-)

  5. Miss and love you, Bonnie. You're doing great, especially having had a small setback and still being determined to move forward and not let it pull you down. I'm remembering what the Weight Watchers counselor at work once said--"When we get a flat tire on our car, do we pull over and slash the other three tires? No! We pull over, fix the flat tire, and move ahead." It's a bit of a cheesy analogy, but I think about that all the time when I let myself down or have one of those discouraging moments of self-doubt or self-criticism.

    I'm also remembering the quote from Rocky (the most recent Rocky) that Jim is always quoting, (with his best tough-guy-Rocky voice, of course): "Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward . . . how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done."

    Hahaha. I love that I'm quoting Rocky Balboa. It's because Jim is gone, and everything Jim-related has now become nostalgic and emotional. :)

    Sure do love you, Bonnie! Keep on keepin' on. You are inspiring! :)