Thursday, February 24, 2011

Random Life Questions

Kaleo (my addiction therapist) has told me a couple of times that she believes once I really figure things out, my weight will just drop off me. Not sure how I feel about that. Isn't that like saying "You'll feel better when it quits hurting?" That was one of my dad's favorite things to say when faced with a scraped knee. Duh! I want to know what to do 'til it quits hurting or 'til I figure things out.

How long will this take? I know the answer to that--as long as it has to. Again, not happy with that platitude.

Sigh. Eye roll. Deep sigh.

Every night I go home wanting a different outcome. I want to go to bed feeling I've done something other than work, come home and eat in front of the TV, then go to bed. On the flip side, I feel like I need some down time to just chillax. What is the right balance between productive relaxation (tidying up, light cooking, stamping, reading my therapy books, hanging out with Parker and Landon) and full blown rear-on-the-recliner, brain-numbing-television-watching time?

Is it a math equation? If my day's stress=x; my ideal evening=y? Hmm.

Am I the only one who goes in spurts and gurgles with things? Right now, my kitchen sink is filled with dirty dishes, my kitchen table is filled with odds and ends I've just plopped down, and my craft room table is filled with Leadership projects not yet finished or filed away. After work, I walk right by these things, grab a bite from the fridge and plop in the recliner not to move 'til bedtime. Then, some random night, I'll attack the mess and be free from the clutter once again. I have to be in the mood, I guess. How can I create this mood if I'm not feelin' it and no one's home to make it a necessity?

Lots of questions today!


  1. I ask myself the same questions. It's a constant struggle to find the balance and it always seems ever elusive. I don't have answers, but I'm with you friend!

  2. seems there are alot of us in that boat......sending hugs your way....


  3. Oh Bonnie, I hear you !!! I consider myself a professional procrastinator and do the same thing, pass up the stuff staring me in the face to do what to me is 'more fun'(or at least, less work). I seem to avoid the 'drudgery' and responsibility, when in reality, by not doing it, it is holding me back. I have been working this past year to get control of my life and home and have found a website that offers support and motivation (non-judgmental).(organization, routines, cleaning, health) it helps me realize that my 'babysteps' in the right direction will eventually pay off and in the process I can let go of my perfectionism and feel good about where I am right now. maybe you've heard of it, but if not, go check it out. . many days I struggle, but each day, (each hour) I can start again. You're not alone Bonnie, keep fighting!! you have a huge cheering section!!! Love ya. Julie

  4. Dear Bonnie,
    I so relate to you. Sounds like you are doing some tough work.. hang in there. You can do it. And life is such a PROCESS, isn't it?
    I started w.w. a week ago.. i am ready, I think.. I came home from leadership with pneumonia, and it has been 8 weeks to get better! ugh. I feel FC slipping through my fingers.. I have been away from work for so many weeks.. but I had to take care of myself! I still need lots of rest.. and it is SO unproductive!
    Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable.. Love you Bonnie!!!