Sunday, October 24, 2010


I didn't post on Thursday because I forgot. I forgot because I was sick. I think I was sick because I'm trying to face some tough truths. Of course, the three weekends of travel in a row could have contributed to that. Anyway, I didn't post.

I lost three pounds this week. I am very glad about that, but I didn't do a happy dance (okay, maybe a little one) because I don't feel like I was much in control. I am thrilled to be under 270. I would love to never see that decade of numbers again! Hopefully that will be the case.

So, tough truths:
1) I sometimes feel worthless and if people really could see me, they'd realize what a fraud I am.
2) Food doesn't always give me what I need, but it's the most reliable relationship I've had in years.
3) Being fat protects me from facing my other weaknesses. It's easier to blame all my failings on one big thing (pun intended) than to face the multitude of other things I need to improve.
4) I have a lot to learn and many challenges to conquer to overcome this.

Onward and upward! I'm tired, but even tired people can fight the battle of the bulge.


  1. Oh Bonnie, I'm sending you a big hug! You are far from worthless!!!! But I get the people don't really know because we hide behind our big smiles and laughter...inside is a sad little gal waiting to come out....Know that people love you and it will all be ok.
    Great news on the loss!!!
    Keep on keeping on.....YOU CAN DO IT@ Deb

  2. Bonnie you are awesome and I know it even if you don't!!!! We should talk about some of this stuff in person but I always forget. Let's go to lunch soon to do so or just go to lunch to talk about other stuff since we can't have an 8 hour conversation everyday anymore. :(

  3. I agree, you are awesome! I truly feel one of Satan's biggest tools is to make us feel worthless. If we feel worthless, we won't serve or do anything else really because we definitely don't feel like being around people. As my dad always says, "remember who you are and what you stand for." haha.
    I am sorry we did not get to see each other either. I just couldn't work it out. Anavon did give me your hug.:) We are hoping to come there next Spring, so we will have to get together then.
    Love you!

  4. You deserve to live a happy healthy life... you ARE worth!! You CAN do it!! Stay strong and fight back all that negative junk from coming into your positive space. Please check this link and know that I LOVE YOU!!

  5. Bonnie, you are inspiring. Just reading your tough truths inspires me because let's be honest--how many of us are really truthful with ourselves about everything? I know I'm not. But it motivates me to be and do better when I read your blog. I hope you feel wrapped up in love when you start to feel discouraged . . . you are such a bright light, such a breath of fresh air, such a force for good. You don't even realize how much, I'm sure. But I'm here to remind you. :) Love you and miss you like crazy! Big hugs!!