Monday, October 4, 2010

#26: A Reality Check?

I gained 6 pounds. I know some of that is flight related, but 6 pounds? No. Fact is, I mostly didn't pay attention. I had nibbles of chocolate, dessert, rich soups, candy bars, and chips. I don't know if it was necessarily addiction compelling me or if I just got lazy. Since I don't think it was addictive behavior, I bet it was. If I take the time to dig deeply, I will see that I was soothing myself or somehow using food to escape my emotions.

So, let me dig, okay? (If you haven't already figured it out, I'm an extrovert and really have to voice things out loud to see about their truth-and writing has always helped me be more 'real' with things.) What emotions was I dealing with? Anxiety over not being super familiar with the show and my role, sadness about a work situation, fatigue (is that an emotion?) from not sleeping well and being on east coast time, pain in the dang knees, and more stuff I probably am not aware of.

I've spent all day today digging into the past 22 years of my life to identify my pain points. Just doing this is a pain point! A very big blessing is I've been a prolific journal writer, so I have much to refer to. A big obstacle is I only have my point of view to go on, so my experiences are already biased for or against me depending on my self love at the time. Interesting!

Well, I'm not giving up. Therapy next Monday morning should be interesting. Meanwhile, I'm not going down without a fight with the scale. I mean it, I need to make this happen no matter how many weeks I spend on the same 5-8 pounds. Not giving up! Hear that, universe?


  1. I feel your pain and hear ya loud and clear. Please don't give up no matter how long it takes. You're moving in the right direction (even if the scale doesn't say so). I know you can - no scratch that...WILL do it!! I'm so proud of you!

  2. I agree, you can do it, and you will......remember there are those around that care about and for you. I don't know you like others but feel if we met, we would be friends....Keep on keeping on......Deb

  3. Bonnie I adore you! I appreciate your honesty and candor! Self-help books are a guilty pleasure (just like the SU clearance rack)for me and right now I'm reading Women, Food, and God by Geneane(sp) Roth, Also there is a really good book that deals with insecurities, called So Long Insecurity! By Beth Moore. It has opened my eyes to my own insecurities as well as the way they affect my relationship with others and our Heavenly Father. Between the both of them, I'm getting a better idea of how and why I do what I do with food and myself. Keep up the good, hard, honest work! See you Soonly! Candas