Friday, July 20, 2012

259.8: A Mini Meltdown

True confession: I weighed twice. The first time was 260.4, but I refused to believe it. So I weighed again and didn't go for a third as a confirmation. Silly behavior!

I was 'off' this morning. I slept well last night, so I felt rested but just 'off.' I hemmed a new pair of pants last night, ironed them, then finally put them on this morning to discover they were quite snug. Put my contacts in and found a rip in my contact.

Nothing too life shattering, right?

I presented this morning. What does that mean? In a nutshell, I had 25 minutes to show six projects and help 3400 Stampin' Up! demonstrators see what great things they can make with our products. I love presenting. I love stamping. No problem, right? Wrong. I was on hormone overdrive (both the monthly and the menopausal kind) and felt more and more inadequate as the morning wore on.

The demonstrator response was positive--of course if they didn't like me, they wouldn't come up and tell me! It's ironic that the most consistent comment is, "You are just so funny." I didn't feel too funny most of the morning. What if, all of a sudden, the funny leaves or goes out of style? What if my funny overshadows the stamping? I genuinely love the Stampin' Up! staff and demonstrators and would be very sad to let them down. I know, of course, not every person's going to like me. I just feel like it's my job to be the best I can be at an event, and this morning the fatigue and stress caught up with me.

What a lot of emotion. It's exhausting sometimes. I share my experience because I know I'm not the only one who goes through bouts of self doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

How did this translate in terms of dieting? I actually did fairly well, but my literal and physical gut says I ate more than I'm admitting to. Tomorrow I plan to take pictures of every non Medifast food item I eat...


  1. Oh, Bonnie, I wish I could be there to give you a BIG hug!! You are only human, and goodness knows we female humans of a certain age are by nature hormonal!! You are a fabulous presenter, fabulously creative woman and wonderful friend to many, so PLEASE try not to be so hard on yourself. I am so hoping you will be at our Convention in Brisbane next year; missed you sorely this year. You are going GREAT with your health goals - keep up the good work. xxx

  2. Bonnie it is great to be able to read and share your weight loss journey. I am almost ready to jump on that road and join you. I saw a pic of you on facebook and you are looking amazing. You, the real you, the you inside that comes across as so happy, and funny and confident, will still be there even when all the extra bits of you have melted away. The real Bonnie will still be there, less of her to hug maybe, but I don't think she will ever let down her friends or any of the Stampin' Up! family.
    Keep going, stay strong, and enjoy what is left of convention.
    PS - 3,400 demo's is insane. For the South Pacific convention we get about 1/7 of that - I think a few nerves is quite normal!

  3. like the woman that wrote before, you are a wonderful, warm, sweet, funny, confident, loving caring woman with a bit extra to hug on the outside. you will remain the same person when your outside melts away. You love us and I believe we all love you the same unconditional way. Stuff happens and that's just life, I really think sometimes we are way to hard on ourselves. I love you my friend, sending hugs and more hugs but really wish i was there to Hug you.
    NH Deb